Not writing

Can’t. Feeling low. Browsing through The Portable Romantic Poets (blogged before about the book here) looking for something mournful enough to match my mood. This can’t be healthy.

“I am the self-consumer of my woes.”

I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death’s oblivion lost;
And yet I am, and live – like vapors tossed

Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams . . .

That’s from I Am by John Clare, which would be a bit much here, copied over in full, even in my mood. A fragment’s enough.

Tomorrow’s a new day. I wish it were spring, though, instead of November.

I wish, I wish, I wish.

NaNoWriMo, Day 1

Number of words written so far:

0

Time left until midnight:

4 hours, 13 minutes

Average number of words per day one would need to write if one wrote every day this month:

1666.6666666666666666666666666667

Average number of words per day Kirsten will need to write if she doesn’t get something keyed into her stinking word prcessor very soon:

1724.1379310344827586206896551724

Sigh.

Okay, 50,000 words . . .

Here I come.

I’m doing the National Novel Writing Month thing.

Here’s my situation. I have an idea for a novel. I have some quirky stuff that I love for the premise. I have some characters. I have, at a high level, the arc of the conflict.

But I haven’t been able to see what happens to these people. They are sitting there, static, staring at me like they expect me to, I dunno, serve them scallops wrapped in bacon or something.

I haven’t been too worried about this. I started querying for my last novel in June and I still have some agents reading full manuscripts; in the meantime, I’ve taken my fiction-writing hiatus as an opportunity to recharge.

But it’s time, now. Plus I get the cool icon for my sidebar.

Anyone else doing it? China, are you?

This sort of love, that sort of love

A lot has been said about writing as an act of creation, so much so that we’ve probably become more jaded than we realize. Articulating experience via language is, after all, so simple a child can do it. And self-proclaimed Writers are ubiquitous. You’ve probably heard, as I have, that some 80 percent of Americans think they’ve got what it takes to be a writer. Those of us who take writing a bit more seriously are easily creeped out by such suggestions. “Keep it to yourself,” we mutter under our breath. “You’re turning my stomach. As is your prose.”

Yet even bad writing thrills the writer as it erupts. Why? Why? Why do so many of us feel a compulsion to articulate experience?

Perhaps because it represents an even more fundamental compulsion. Here’s from Jung’s memoir, Memories, Dreams, and Reflections — something he wrote after watching massive herds of animals grazing on a savanna in Africa:

. . . the cosmic meaning of consciousness became overwhelmingly clear to me. “What nature leaves imperfect, the art perfects,” say the alchemists. Man, I, in an invisible act of creation put the stamp of perfection on the world by giving it objective existence. This act we usually ascribe to the Creator alone, without considering that in so doing we view life as a machine calculated down to the last detail, which, along with the human psyche, runs on senselessly, obeying foreknown and predetermined rules. In such a cheerless clockwork fantasy there is no drama of man, world, and God; there is no “new day” leading to “new shores,” but only the dreariness of calculated processes . . . man is indispensable for the completion of creation . . . in fact, he himself is the second creator of the world, who alone has given to the world its objective existence — without which, unheard, unseen, silently eating, giving birth, dying, heads nodding through hundreds of millions of years, it would have gone on in the profoundest night of non-being down to its unknown end. Human consciousness created objective existence and meaning, and man found his indispensable place in the great process of being.

Writing, as an act, embodies the act of secondary creation. It objectifies existence, literally: all at once that which we know to have created is visible in three dimensions.

It doesn’t matter what kind of writing it is, whether it’s a blog post, or a novel, or an email to a friend, or a weepy entry in a private journal. It is a relief to do it. No matter how nonsensical the act itself make sense of our experience.

The mystery of words is that they are also, however, unruly creatures. You may think they are tools at your command, but they are also messengers. They dwell on the cusp between objective and unconscious reality; this is why they can have double meanings, or express sometimes things that we claim we didn’t intend them to express.

That same quality also makes them a delight, of course, which is why gaining a bit of skill as a writer makes the act even more pleasurable — the act of secondary creation, performed with some inkling of awareness, or rendered artfully enough that in partaking of it we begin to waken, even slightly — it’s a heady thing — it is why we recognize that some writing as Art.

Take love, for instance, plenty of examples here. A mystic will tell you that if you reach the leafy crown of the magical beanstalk ;-) you’ll discover all love is really The One Love. But down here in the world of foolishness and poverty and dirt and beans we have, instead, this sort of love and that sort of love. Then come along the secondary creators who play with the word. Ray Charles secularizes the gospel song “Jesus is All the World to Me” as “I Got A Woman,” and in so doing casts words of Christian love into the service of Romantic love. Sixty years later, Alison Krauss goes back the other way, recording a song about Christian love, only the object of her love is hidden, slyly, within the vernacular of romantic pop:

Am I a fool for hanging on?
Would I be a fool to be long gone?
When is daylight going to dawn
On my crazy faith?

The questions will not let me sleep
Answers buried way too deep
At the bottom of a lover’s leap
Made by crazy faith.

Lowell George’s fat man in the bathtub isn’t suffering (from Little Feat’s Dixie Chicken) unrequited love. He’s having trouble scoring drugs. That said, it’s no coincidence that being “in love” is a dopamine high — and ho ho ho, cocaine also happens to elevate the brain’s dopamine levels: even down here in the world of dirt and beans it’s easy to find overlaps, universality is also biological, the language overlaps, the poignancy of this sort of love overlaps the poignancy of that sort of love.

Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands and knees
He said “Hey momma, hey let me check your oil all right?”
She said “No, no honey, not tonight
Come back Monday, come back Tuesday, then I might.”

I said Juanita, my sweet Jaunita, what are you up to?
My Juanita
I said Jaunita, my sweet taquita, what are you up to?
My Juanita

An unanswerable question, of course. But there’s some relief to be had by putting it down on paper.

Here you go

Lit agent Rachel Vater has some questions you can ask to help you understand what your strengths are as a writer. Here’s one:

What feeling do you want when you read a book? (This is a more important question than it would seem — Not as obvious of an answer as you might expect.)

Great question, eh?

The feeling I want when I read a book is transported. I want to be lifted out of the here & now and taken to vantage point where reality is framed in archetypal or even small-d divine terms. The redemption may be through love, or joy, or coming to terms with one’s self, doesn’t matter really, as long as I’m lifted. This applies to non-fiction as well incidentally; for instance, Peter Ackroyd’s histories transport me by shifting my perspective via point-in-time.

Vater has also summarized the main strengths of a number of writers, wonderful way to put ourselves in an agent’s place as she experience our writing.

Okay, he tagged me

John aka Duke of Earle says I HAVE to play . . . who am I to argue?

1) One book that changed your life: Outwitting Squirrels by Bill Adler, because encountering it triggered a chain of events that eventually led to my co-writing Outwitting Dogs. ‘Nuff said.

2) One book that you’d read more than once: Hmmmmm. Anna Karenina, might as well use that one. Blogged about my second read of that book here.

3) One book you’d want on a deserted island: A honkin’ big blank book. Five subject college ruled notebook would do, although if the pages were unruled I could write really tiny and it would last even longer, even if later I wouldn’t be able to read a bit of it. Also a box of halfway decent pens.

4) One book that made you laugh: To the Nines, the first Janet Evanovitch novel I ever read, comes to mind. I laughed out loud a LOT reading that book. And later asked whether there was much higher to aspire to, as a writer, than to make people laugh . . .

5) One book that made you cry: Reading in the Kipling short story collection Debits and Credits some months ago I came across the “The Bull that Thought,” and sobbed uncontrollably at the end because of the redemption of brutishness by Art — by a mutual recognition of Art.

6) One book you wish you’d written: Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard.

7) One book you wish had never been written: Hey, how about A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole, since maybe if he hadn’t of written it he wouldn’t have offed himself. Don’t throw in your hand, Mr. Toole . . .

8) One book you’re currently reading: Memories, Dreams and Reflections by Carl Jung.

9) One book you’ve been meaning to read: Tristram Shandy. Started it, got distracted, will pick it back up one of these days.

10) Tag five people: Is this like a chain letter? All my doorknobs will fall off if I don’t? Is it okay if I ask people first? Hey, I can start with my dad :-) — Dad, want to be tagged? Erik, have you done this one yet? Carrie? E is for Editrix has probably done it, she gets tagged a lot . . . Zinn, how about you, interested in doing a book post?

Need to light a fire under your PC?

Here you go! Via Carrie Patrick, November is National Novel Writing Month. Hooray!

According to the How it Works page, all you need to do “to win” is sign up and write 50,000 words between November 1 and November 30. Then you email the completed draft to them to verify word count and get your “winner” web certificate. According to the FAQs, your novel is deleted unread. In case you’re wondering where copies of your work-in-progress might show up: nowhere, unless you want them to.

Cool idea, eh? And check out the FAQs to see a list of novels begun as NaNoWriMo projects that were later published.

I’m seriously thinking of jumping in with a novel idea I’m noodling but haven’t committed to word processor yet. I mean, the participation icons alone make it worthwhile, dontcha think?

Resurrection publishing

I.e., republishing out-of-print books. Article in The Guardian, via Booksquare:

For some companies, resurrection is a sideline alongside new titles; for others, it’s their whole raison d’etre. It’s a labour of love, not money, for most. Few of these books get reviewed, and partly for that reason they won’t catch your eye, or even be there at all, when you’re in Waterstone’s. Mostly there’s little hope of achieving the level of sales – perhaps 2,000 copies – where you start to tot up your profits. Often you’re doing well if you’ve sold 300.

A little madness in the name of love. What’s not to like?

One little nit — c’mon, Guardian, hotlink the publishers you mention! Okay, actually it’s more of a medium-sized nit. Here, I’ll do my part:

Pomona.

Great Northern Publishing.

Parthian.

Sutton Publishing. [UPDATE, seems to be disappeared.]

Nonsuch Classics. [UPDATE, also disappeared.]

Traviata Books. [UPDATE, also disappeared.]

Related: See also my post Wagging the Backlist.