Kirsten Mortensen's blog

Of the following 15 Amazon lists, each of which lists The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told as the first book on the list, two were compiled by “stan,” two were compiled by “dorky,” and two were compied by “Les T.”

The other nine lists were compiled by other people. Or so you’re supposed to believe.

Below the list of the lists are the reviews of TGWTLSET that these individuals composed.

Can you pick out any two reviews that are obviously written by the same individual?

LOL

That’s a trick question!!! It’s impossible to tell ANY of these reviews apart!!!

You don’t suppose they were all written by the same individual, do you???

Another trick question! Of course they were!!!

Here are the lists:

1. Super Intelligent Rednecks (Tom)

2. Wake Up Inside (stan)

3. Massage Your Genius (Laura D.)

4. Oh Freaking Wow! (dorky)

5. Be happy again (stan)

6. Behold the greatest wh . . . (James Thomas)

7. Truly Feel Stronger and Better (emotionally too) (cory)

8. know what emotionally distraught geniuses are into now (Les T.)

9. Dance with a Devilish Delilah (Les T.)

10. Gain Profound Insight (Pam S.)

11. Be shocking (Jimmy)

12. Gratify Your Brilliant Mind (ahhhhhh) (Fran)

13. kiss my sweet assortment of books (Elizabeth S.)

14. Tickle Your Hi .IQ. (Dorky)

15. Touch the perfect (Crota)

Here are the reviews. Go ahead, match them to the list! I’ve mixed them up! LOL

A. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is truly my favorite story these days. It is full of nail-biting suspense from beginning to end. There is a surprise ending that left me staggered. It is about the beautiful Terra Peoples and the man who loved her. Terra is the queen of the white ghetto. You would have to click on this book’s icon to understand what I’m talking about. Terra is riot unto herself, but the unusual man who loves her is a mystery, a deep, profound mystery. There is a lot of humor in this story, laugh out loud humor. Anyway, I’m recommending this one to all my friends. Again, you would have to click on the icon to understand what I’m talking about.

B. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is a whopping surprise of a story!! Wow! I thought it was just some comedy, but fraught with mystery, suspense, and romance(that males and females both enjoy) it was easily the most powerful entertainment experience of this year for me. Wow! Wow! and Wow again! This is the story of the strange queen of the white ghetto, and if you don’t know about the white ghetto, you have got to click the icon to find out. Is it possible for her to find love? Well, under the circumstances, one would doubt it. This girl has problems, but do not despair, there is a man for her. I don’t want to give anything away– especially the profound and amazing surprise ending. I’m just recommending that everyone click on its icon.

C. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is my favorite book of late. It is actually something way beyond what it would appear. While it is humorous (very!) it is a profound love story– something that women AND men will enjoy. It is about a man whose love is unrequited. It is about the queen of the trailer park, the ever entertaining, Terra Peoples. You get a real sense of the white ghetto while reading this book– you are there to feel the pain but not to wallow in it. The book has more triumph than tragedy. You see the sights– the trailers up on blocks, the muddy feet children, the b-b-q stands, the radios blaring. This book is powerful on so many levels. I love it, truly love it. I am telling all my friends to click the icon for this one.

D. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told shook me up completely. I couldn’t catch my breath as I got into the story. It is about the kindest, most decent man I think I have ever encountered in popular literature. He is extreme, but he is believable. And SHE, oh my gosh, she is the devil. I don’t what else to call her. With her lying smile and beautiful blue eyes, she’s the devil from the time she is a child. Why would a guy like him love a monster like her? She’s downright funny she’s so bad. But hey, who am I to judge? This story is just profound.

If you know what it’s like to live in a trailer or if you would like to know (and trust me, you really need to know) this is a must read. We’re all more alike than unalike.

E. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is about the meanest, cruelest, most vile, beautiful, blue-eyed, blonde you ever met. Terra People’s heart is so hard a jackhammer couldn’t break into it. But one thing (and ONLY one) did eventually get into her heart. In what has to one of the greatest surprise endings in all of human literature, Benny Carpenter, the fellow who just can’t keep himself from loving her manages to… well, I can’t give it away. It has to be the most emotionally satisfying ending I’ve ever read, though. Truly worth. I laughed. I cried. I told friends.

F. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is my favorite book at this time. It is a highly imaginative story set on the wrong side of town. I was shocked but overwhelmed with the hopefuly message contained therein. The main character is a beautiful blonde who is used to getting her way. She has a hard heart and is remorseless in her cruelty. However, there is one man who may have what it takes to wake her up to love. This is a remarkable story, and the icon is definitely one to click.

G. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is an enormously fun, humorous, at times thrilling account of love in the white ghetto. I’m glad I clicked it. It is the story of Terra Peoples, the most beautiful girl in the trailer park and Benny Carpenter, the guy who had the misfortune of falling for her. Terra is a terror. She’s hard to deal with, hard to know, impossible to get close to. She could cusse, drink and fight by the time she was four. Benny, on the other hand, is the living embodiment of goodness. He’s a good fellow with a kind heart. What could possibly bring these two together? As it turns out, one and only one thing. That is the surprise ending. Againt, definitely worth clicking on the icon.

H. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is just a darned funny title. It is also an excellent book that is NOT trashy at all. Quite the opposite. It is a really classy story set in the white ghetto. Despite the hardships, the characters do not complain or whine. The love story is the main thing. The meanest gal in the park, the infamous Terra Peoples, who also happens to be stunningly beautiful from head to to has a heart as cold and dead as ice, but there is one thing that will wake her emotions, one and only one thing. And the nicest guy in the trailer park happens to have it. As I read, I felt like I was there–participating in the story, seeing life from the inside of the trailer park, experiencing it. Definitely good to click its icon.

I. I’m Pretty picky about what I read so you can imagine how shocked I was when I gave The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told a try, got hooked on the first page and could not put it down. If you want to be shocking, love someone the way the main male character loved the main female character in this story– this has to be the most amazing story I’ve ever read. Dang, it just made me feel so alive for a change. I still get teary eyed every time I think about it. Anyway, I could go on for some time. Just do yourself a favor and check it out.

J. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told completely shook me up as I read it. It was like I was lifted off the ground and transported to the story setting. It takes place in trailer parks and post-industrial age schools, mostly. It is about a “white trash” boy who falls in love with a “white trash” girl. Being a white trash girl, she is devious and difficult. She’s impossible. One and only one thing ever turns her around, but you will not see it coming. This story is magical really– a true gem. Definitely worth clicking.

K. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told lives up to its humorous title in a way you would not expect. It is a very suspenseful story about pure love– something men may enjoy as much or even more than women. I freaking love this book. It is about a beautiful blonde, blue-eyed, white-trash girl and the man who loves her. She is the most spiteful, dishonest, hard hearted female in the trailer park. He is all that is good and kind in the world. He finally manages to beat her at her own game– but only in a way you would NOT expect. Laugh out loud funny meets tear jerker– great read. Definitely worth clicking.

L. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is NOT a trashy romance. It is not trashy in any sense of the word. In fact, it may be the purest and best love story I have ever read. It is about an “evil” woman named Terra Peoples. She is as mean as a snake by the time she is five years old. Benny Carpenter, a white trash boy, has the (mis)fortune of falling in love with her when they are in kindergarten. She thinks he’s a fool and will not let him get anywhere near her. But he keeps on loving her until everyone is convinced he is a fool. There is a surprise ending to this story that just really blew me away– so surprising, so shocking I never saw it coming. Just a great, heartfelt story. Glad I clicked its icon.

M. There’s nothing trashy about The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told. It’s a classy book about the purest form of love from beginning to end. Ellis brings his characters vividly to life. For instance, there is Angel Bonsecour, the narrator. She’s a single gal and a nurse, one who has “the inside” tract on what’s happening in the neighborhood. There’s Benny Carpenter, the boy who loves too deeply for his own good. Through him we understand the pleasures that only a white trash boy experiences. Do you know what it’s like to sleep in a small tin trailer when it is raining? There’s probably not a more relaxing sound in all the world. And of course there’s Terra Peoples, the story’s main character, the demented dancer that Benny loves endlessly. Can anything on earth penetrate this evil woman’s heart?

N. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is the funniest, most lovable book I have read in ages! It is about life in the white ghetto. The main characters grow up hard, and if you’ve ever lived in that part of town, you know what it’s like. The story doesn’t dwell on the pain, however. It is what it says it is– a great love story. Be very sure to click the icon. The main female character is as hard as nails, but there may be one thing that can reach her. Does the main male character have what it takes?

O. The Greatest White Trash Love Story Ever Told is the most amazing book I have read this year. In a way that touched my emotions and made me feel great in the end, the story was captivating, absolutely captivating. It held my attention. I was very curious about the intriguing title, and so I clicked it.

It is about life in the “white ghetto,” but more importantly, it is about a very tender but strong love.

btw, you know why I’ve put up this post? Because “libel” isn’t “libel” when you’re telling the truth.

So. Some guy posts pseudonymous reviews for his novel on Amazon. I blog about it and say I think it’s a dumb idea.

Now he’s all upset because my post is there for anyone to find.

And he hasn’t even stopped doing it!

I’m supposed to feel sorry for him? I’m supposed to believe people are lying about him?

Incredible.

Totally a waste of my time too! But what can I say. I don’t like being bullied.

Technorati Tags: bogus Amazon reviews

Several months ago I put up a post about a fellow named Rhett Ellis who has used psuedonymous Amazon reviews to try to pump his self-pubbed novels.

Just got a phone call from Ellis. He wants me to take down the post. His speechifyin’ included the words “attorney,” “libel” and “defamation.”

Aside from disliking the feeling of being bullied, it seems to me that the ethics of removing my post are questionable.

I blog about writing. I think posting fake reviews is a dumb idea. I think Ellis was trying to game Amazon to promote his books. I think that kind of stuff can backfire.

I wrote about something that actually happened (which he doesn’t deny — or anyway doesn’t deny all of it; he claims some portion of what Charlie Hughes published online was untrue) and offered my opinion about it.

Should I now remove my post because he doesn’t want people to know that he did this and that it makes him look bad?

Should I remove this post, too?

Should I remove the post that I’d then write explaining that I’d removed the post, and why?

Hey, if he sues me, should I remove my blog posts about him suing me?

:-D

What do you guys think? What would you do?

There’s a saying, “don’t get in a pissing contest with a skunk.” It’s good advice. I really don’t give a fat rat’s butt what happens to this guy or how he rearranges the furniture in his psyche. And I’m sure he can out-piss me if he puts his mind to it.

What would you do?

Technorati Tags: bogus reviews, skunks

Via Edward Champion, it’s a NaNoWriMo backlash! And backlashlash!

You know what I think? I think NaNoWriMo is a kind of a chick thing. Get together, write a bit, commiserate, make friends. Like a knitting group. LOL

(Hey, I can say it because I’m a chick woman, right??? Right??? LOL)

(Next up: BLOND JOKES!!!!)

Technorati Tags: National Novel Writing Month

I drafted that last post a month ago, before NaNoWriMo. Not that it matters, my NaNoWriMo novel is toast anyway :-)

I’ll write it, but it’s become clear I’m not ready to just yet. It needs to gestate. Can’t fight that.

Technorati Tags: writing, National Novel Writing Month

A wise friend and I were talking one evening about relationships.

What makes an ideal mate?

We’re so used to answering that question in terms of shared interests (we can both tap dance on a balance beam! blindfolded! we both collect vintage French motor scooters!) or “qualities” that we fail to realize our lists are little better than tea leaves clotted at the bottom of a cup. Lessee, I’ll take his sense of humor up dry with a twist, and his politics neat, and 85 percent of American woman think a smile is the sexiest part of male anatomy, or was that 58 percent of American women smile at the sexiest part of male anatomy, and how tall is too tall? and take care to blunt your IQ until the second date, and be well-groomed but for gawd’s sake! don’t hide the smell of your sweat.

Labyrinthine, no wonder we’re confused.

So here’s what my friend said: the most important thing is that your mate have the capacity to hold in his/her mind/imagination all of what you are — of what you believe yourself to be.

This strikes me as one of the most profoundest statements about what we need in relationships that I’ve ever heard.

What is more important, if you’re planning to become intimate with someone, than to know that being in that person’s presence won’t render you somehow shrunk or truncated?

This is your life we’re talking about, remember — this is a person you’ve invited into your life, who for better or worse is going to influence the trajectory your life takes, whether you hit your target or fall short, whether you one day look back and know you gave it your best or die with the taste of regret coating your tongue.

So what’s it take for a person to really know you?

It’s partly a function of intellect — of choosing a mate who has the intellect to follow where your intellect takes you (and vice versa of course — all of this assumes it’s reciprocated).

But it also encompasses other aspects of Self as well: one’s spiritual nature, kinesthetic sense, capacity to appreciate esthetics, to name a few off the top of my head.

Or think of it this way: the romantic ideal is that some person will value you above all other potential mates. How can this happen if the other person is unable to fully imagine you as you imagine yourself to be?

It can’t. Entangle yourself with someone who is incapable of knowing you and you risk being under valued, because some aspect or aspects of you simply won’t exist to that person — perhaps he’ll sense them, but he won’t be able to appreciate them; perhaps she’ll have a fuzzy, unfocused idea that they’re there, but chances are she’ll feel uncomfortable and out of her depth around them.

It’s like offering a glass of most excellent Bordeaux to someone who can’t discern flavors more subtle than MSG-laced cottonseed oil. You might tell him “this wine retails for $350″ or read off Robert Parker’s description or pass along the high praise of all your friends or even train him to appear that he understands what he’s doing, to swirl his glass and gargle the stuff through his sinuses. In the key of A. But in the end it will still be indistinguishable, as far as he’s concerned, from Chain Restaurant Merlot, the bottle that was opened three nights ago.

So why should he shell out the big bucks to drink it?

Answer: he won’t, unless he does so for the wrong reasons, and that will likely get old for him before long. And then he’ll dump out the rest of the case because he needs the bottles for, who knows. Storing his cigarette butt collection.

Now flip this around as a positive. There’s the old saw that behind every successful man there’s a woman (and the not-quite-so-old “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.” Groucho Marx. ha ha ha ha) — the language is dated of course — this needs to be reciprocal as well — but at its heart there’s a truth: when the success you envision is also envisioned by someone who loves you, it has a steadying effect that can help you realize that success. It’s not just any woman standing behind that successful man; she’s a woman who believes he will be successful even when the rest of the world has no frickin idea.

And “success” is of course you realizing in literal terms what you are.

Love idealizes, of course it does, and there’s risk in idealizing. Speaking from experience here. So yeah, that image we hold, it can’t be fantasy. But if we can avoid that pitfall, it seems to me the image, and a lover’s capacity to experience that image fully and truly, it is the most important thing. The most important thing.

It’s your lover’s capacity to love you as fully and perfectly and specifically as we on this Earth are ever able to love.

Love and harmony combine
And around our souls intwine
While thy branches mix with mine,
And our roots together join.

Joys upon our branches sit,
Chirping loud, and singing sweet;
Like gentle streams beneath our feet
Innocence and virtue meet.

Thou the golden fruit dost bear,
I am clad in flowers fair;
Thy sweet boughs perfume the air,
And the turtle buildeth there

There she sits and feeds her young,
Sweet I hear her mournful song;
And thy lovely leaves among,
There is love: I hear his tongue.

There his charming nest doth lay,
There he sleeps the night away;
There he sports along the day,
And doth among our branches play.

Blake, from Poetical Sketches

Okay, here’s something to warm the ol’ cockles: Kirk Webster, a smalltime beekeeper, has used old-fashioned breeding techniques to develop bees resistent to varroa mite.

If you’re old enough and pay attention to this sort of thing, you may have noticed you see fewer wild honey bees now than when you were a kid. This mite is why: if it infects a hive, the hive is usually doomed.

Most commercial beekeepers control the mite with pesticides.

Not Kirk. Bless him.

(This, btw, is why I try to support small farmers.)

Technorati Tags: honey bees, farming

I know I need to blog about this, but I’ve been too stupified to try.

Yet it needs to be said, by as many people and in as many places as possible. So here goes.

First. Fourteen million dollars of Fast Ferry money is missing. That’s $14 million of New York State taxpayer money unaccounted for, and if you think anyone at any level of our government is going to chase it down and get it back to us, you’re smoking something.

[State Assemblyman] Joseph Errigo, R-Conesus, Livingston County, said he does not necessarily fault [state Comptroller Alan] Hevesi or [Attorney General/now governor-elect Eliot] Spitzer for not documenting the fate of the state aid, though he is “disappointed with that aspect of it.”

As for the agencies that provided the money, Errigo said, “The state lost out on $14 million, and you’d think they’d be interested in recouping all or part of that money.

“My conclusion is that they’re, I guess, embarrassed, and they don’t want this investigation to go further.”

(The article is thorough and documents all kinds of intriguing shennanigans. Enjoy it now, as the Democrat & Chronicle has a tendency to throw things behind their firewall & charge for them after awhile.)

(And for further context bear in mind that Hevesi, newly re-elected to his post in a landslide, exudes a strong smell himself & it ain’t roses. The public has spoken, all right.)

Okay. So that gives you a taste of how carefully our politicians watch our money.

Ready?

Now Rochester’s mayor wants to spend a quarter of a million on an option on Midtown Plaza. That’s an option to buy. If the city decides it doesn’t want the plaza after all, the money is gone for good.

“So?” you say. “Maybe the city will decide it wants to buy?”

You’re not from from around here, are you. Midtown Plaza is a mall in downtown Rochester. Well, it was a mall. Now it’s a hunk of deserted retail and office space.

Nobody wants it, because nobody can figure out how to make money from it.

Oh whoa, wait, I forget! The city can figure out how to make money from it!!! Of course!!!

Really, I am so disgusted I could spit.

It’s like they’re deliberately trying to accumulate worthless overpriced junk. The “fast ferry,” which still sits in dry dock because nobody else is a big enough sucker to buy it. Renaissance Square, the performing arts center cum bus station that nobody wants and for which we’ll be paying some undisclosed amount to keep solvent until it’s knocked down for a parking lot or something some day. And now Midtown.

If it wasn’t my money they’re wasting I’d find this hilarious.

UPDATE: Welcome, 2Blowhard readers, and thanks Michael for the link :-)

Technorati Tags: Rochester, New York, Midtown Plaza, Renaissance Square

There was a NaDruWriNi!!!

A National Drunken Writing Night!!!

It was November 4 and I just found out about it today!!! And it came with a banner, too!!!

*sob*

Miss Snark offers a little perspective on some book sales stats that otherwise might have seemed pretty grim.

Technorati Tags: writing, publishing