Sometimes I wonder if corporations understand what computers can do.

Take Borders, for instance. The last time I shopped there, the clerk pounced on me, as I paid for my purchases, and pitched their new “rewards” program. I would get a gift, he said. And money off purchases, he said.

Oh great, I thought. Yet another marketing gauntlet to run, when all I want is to pay and get home.

But I did it. I gave in. I gave him my email address. Reluctantly. I don’t need to be on any more email lists, I really don’t. And I walked away with yet another customer rewards card for my burdgeoning collection. I hope soon I’m able to get on the customer rewards program for a luggage company, because I’m going to need a suitcase to carry around all my customer rewards program cards. One with wheels, thank you.

Anyway, within a week I’d already received about five happy happy joy joy emails from Borders, each of which I deleted unread. Then, this morning, another one, with a subject line that mentioned the “free gift” promised by the clerk. Ah, I said.

So I clicked the email hotlink and went out to their site, and right away I’m faced with an online form which I have to fill out. “All fields required.”

Here’s where I get to the “don’t understand computers” part. I already gave them my information in the store. I gave them my email address. That’s how they found me online to start with.

Why, now, is it MY job to type in all this information? Why is it my job to go find my card and key in my ID number?

Wouldn’t you think that this all would be tracked in some database they’ve got?

How is it rewarding for me to become an unpaid data entry staffer for Borders????

And of course it took me 10 minutes to find the stupid card. It’s not like I can keep it in my purse, since I’m a small purse person. Or on my keyring, since I’m a keyring-in-my-front-pocket person.

Found it, finally. And of course I’m supposed to tell them everything. Name, phone number. Date of birth, so they can step up the email harassment on my next birthday.

User name and password. I actually need a user name and password to enter the hallowed website of a corporate rewards program. Oh, brother.

But here’s the funny part.

For my user name, I typed in “Ihatethis.”

And guess what?

It was TAKEN!!!!

LOL

I had to use “Ireallyhatethis”!!!!

LOL

So that cheered me up.

The free gift didn’t, though. Of course it wasn’t really a “gift.” There were three choices. The closest to an actual gift was a free cup of coffee. But they didn’t offer to bring it to me, and I’ll be damned if I’ll accept a free cup of crappy coffee as incentive to add my warm body to their “store traffic” tallies. So that left the other two “gifts” which were discounts.

So my “gift,” in other words, is to shop at Borders.

No toaster. No tote bag (one with 5 billion compartments for carrying customer reward cards would be mighty handy, Borders).

Give me a break. And show me how to get myself unsubscribed from your stupid emails.