Category Archives: Life

How stress makes you stupid

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And what to do about it.

From the article — quote from Nuno Sousa of the Life and Health Sciences Research Institute at the University of Minho in Portugal:

[W]e’re lousy at recognizing when our normal coping mechanisms aren’t working. Our response is usually to do it five times more, instead of thinking, maybe it’s time to try something new.

The hardest thing about life as a human being is that we get trapped inside our own minds.

As Sousa’s research shows, there’s a biological basis for this.

So if you’ve hit a high-stress patch in your life recently, you have to assume — assume — that your capabilities in the area of “executive decision-making” and “goal-directed behaviors” are impaired.

And then, for your own good, you have to do something about it.

It’s the only way out of the trap.

(The worst part being, of course, that people who are in the trap don’t know it . . . and that when you’re under stress is when you most need the very skills that you’ve lost.)

You know you’re from Upstate NY When . . .

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Central new york state

Beautiful, isn’t it?

Okay, some of these kinds of forward-by-email jokes are kind of lame, but this one is spot-on — it HAD to be written by someone who actually knows rural Upstate.

Some of them really zinged me — just spot on: 4, 10, 22, 24, 36, 43, 45, 51, 61, 64.

And of course, 30. Because even after years of being gentrified by Rochester ‘burb living, I am proud of having Chenango County roots — I have a better grasp on reality for having grown up there, if I do say so myself :-)

[P.S.: a LOT of my novels are set in upstate New York! The French Emerald (free serial to read online!) starts in Rochester but zigzags all over the state–and part of the plot includes a Revolutionary-era Upstate NY mystery. Loose Dogs is set in Rochester. Dark Chemistry features a “fish out of water” dilemma when a Southern California girl gets stuck in a little Upstate NY town and guess what–ends up liking it ;) — please check them out if you enjoy novels!]

Enjoy!

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway

2. “Vacation” means going to Syracuse for the weekend

3. You measure distance in hours

4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once

5. You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day

6. You stay in your house most of the summer because you aren’t used to the heat

7. You drive at 55 mph through 10 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching

8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events

9. You install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked

10. One of your neighbors constantly has bonfires

11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the supermarket at any given time

13. Your idea of a huge party is one with lots of cheap beer and some people you go to school with

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow

15. You think sexy lingerie is silk pajamas from wal-mart

16. You know 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, cold, construction

17. It takes you 2 hours to go to the store for one item even when you’re in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town

18. At least 6 people that you see a day have beards and stains on the front of their shirt

19. Cows are just part of the scenery

20. You or someone you know has a car that sounds like a big truck and can barely make it 20 miles yet no one says anything about it.

21. At least fives times in your normal travel day you will pass or be passed by a beat-up, old ass car that has had an attempted pimping out, such as a brand new oversized spoiler on a rust covered trunk, spinning HUBCABS, or everyones favorite, the performance exhaust on a car running on barely three cylinders.

22. You know that the phrase, “Goin up ta,” applies to going north, south, east, or west, up or down in elevation, and pretty much any other way you can travel.

23. The smell of freshly spread cow manure doesn’t bother you.

24. Its perfectly normal for your life’s aspirations to be working for the county.

25. Getting “dressed up” means tucking your shirt into your jeans and putting on clean work boots.

26. Holloween costumes are always designed around a snowsuit and winter boots.

27. You appreciate the delicacy known as Croghan Bologna, and serve it at all social gatherings.

28. On the same platter as the Croghan Bologna is a selection of flavored cheese curd, which you also love.

29. You know damn well that the verizon guy didn’t walk through your town going, “can you hear me now” because reception is, at best, limited.

30. Your proud of your redneck-ness and where your from.

31. You can name everyone you graduated with.

32. You know what 4-H is.

33. You ever went to a party that was held about 20 miles down a deserted dirt road.

34. You used to drag “main.”

35. You said the ‘F’ word and your parents knew within an hour.

36. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers since you know which ones would bust you.

37. You never went or thought about going cow-tipping.

38. School gets canceled for a sports team going to State

39. You could never buy cigarettes cause all the store clerks knew how old you were.

40. When you did find someone old enough to buy smokes for you, you had to drive down country backroads to smoke them.

41. You never missed a Homecoming parade.

42. You still go home for Homecoming.

43. It was cool to date someone from a neighboring town.

44. You had a senior skip day.

45. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

46. You can’t help but date a friend’s ex.

47. Your car is always filthy from the dirt roads.

48. You think that kids who ride skateboards are weird.

49. The town next to you is considered “trashy” or “snotty” when it is just like your town.

50. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.

51. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the “rich people.”

52. The people in the big city dress funny then you pick up on the cool new trend two years later.

53. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

54. On Fridays, anyone you want to find can be found at Main Street or the Dairy Queen.

55. Weekend excitement involves a trip to RiteAid.

56. Even the ugly people enter beauty contests.

57. You decide to walk for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you need a ride.

58. Your teachers call you by your older sibling’s name.

59. The closest “cool stores” are at least 45 miles away.

60. The local phone book has only one yellow page.

61. You leave your jacket on the back of the chair in the
cafe, and when you go back the next day, it’s still there, on the same chair.

62. You don’t signal turns because everyone knows where you’re going, anyway.

63. You call a wrong number and they supply you with the correct one.

64. You have to name six surrounding towns to explain to
people where you’re from.

65. Driving to the party on a four wheeler is quite normal.

66. The town population increases by one-third when the universities go on break.

67. When somebody says “Thats billy fucillo HUGE” you know exactly what they are talking about

68. You laugh your head off reading this because you know it’s true and then forward it to everyone in your address book, which is actually half your town.

on running out of time

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(On the occasion of learning that an acquaintance has died.)

A perfectly lived life would be one in which every moment lived was lived perfectly.

The next best thing is to make amends, where one can, for mistakes made in the past.

But making amends takes time; one can’t stop living entirely to devote one’s time to making amends alone — and even if you did, it would mean you weren’t living — you’d be taking time off from living to mend old mistakes — itself a compromise.

So we begin life, quickly find ourselves in in arrears, then do our best as we go along. And inevitably leave some business unfinished. We take care of the big mistakes, as much as we can, to the best our ability — at least we do if we’re smart, because those are the things that drag us most quickly into the mud.

But no matter what, our time runs out, and we die. Hopefully without too many regrets. But do any of us die with none?

I doubt it. We’re none of us saints.

For many many years I’ve had a recurring motif crop up in my dreams: crashing planes. Last fall, after one particularly hideous go around (I couldn’t save my daughter, either) it hit me — the crashes symbolize death — my own death — the death of my body and along with it (in a flash of fire and fear and grief) its cargo of mind.

I experiment with being okay with that. A month or so ago it occurred to me that well, the worst that will happen is that I’ll be what I was before I was born. Not an original thought. But of some comfort, progressing me in some small way to learn to live unafraid. Yet still only a type of bargain. And no bargain, no religion, no spiritual belief, can really deliver the assurance that we need to completely dispel the awefulness of it, this death thing.

Time will run out. Time will run out . . . some small mending, at the least, will be left undone . . .

Bould (ered) Over

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Break in posting because I spent a few days over last weekend on a delightful golf vacation in Carefree, Arizona — a bit north of Scottsdale.

The Boulders Resort Arizona

It was idyllic. We stayed at The Boulders Resort, and I’ve never felt so pampered in my life. Turns out that was no accident. I flipped through some literature about the resort in our room (excuse me, our “casita”–the guest rooms are freestanding adobe buildings linked by winding sidewalks, and accessed by golf carts rather than cars) and it described the resort’s service philosophy. They’ve got a detailed service credo and everyone who works there goes through extensive training, including role playing so they’ll know how to handle guests’ needs. It sure shows. Right from the little things, like the way all the staff greet you by name and make lots of eye contact. You really do feel like a guest, not a customer.

A boulder at The Boulders Resort in Arizona

It was also amazingly beautiful. The resort was built in 1985 on 1300 acres and according to one of the staff we chatted with, the architect spent weeks onsite, camping in various spots, in order to figure out how to situate its buildings and facilities. The end result is divine: everything is worked into the landscape–instead of interrupting nature, the buildings and sidewalks and access roads flow with it. You feel like you’re in a different world. At least this northeasterner did :-)

Anyway, here are some pics of the resort, starting with the main lodge. This is taken from across the fairway of the 6th hole of the resort’s south course. The lodge isn’t that far from the main north/south highway to the resort (Scottsdale Road/N. Tom Darlington) but you wind all through the resort to get to it. Then you leave your car with them–it’s valet all the way after that since you can’t access the rooms with a car.

The Boulders Resort lodge

Here’s what it looked like from our room when we woke in the morning.

The Boulders Resort view from our casita

We had a west-facing patio so the sun would light up that mountain every a.m. We were told we might see wild pigs, coyotes, and maybe a bobcat coming up through the wash back there, but we never saw anything bigger than a quail.

Speaking of quail, they were all over the place. Calling to each other constantly from alongside the fairways when we played. I never got a really good pic of them unfortunately. Once they realized you were approaching them, they’d quick dart behind a rock or bit of brush. Aren’t they cute, though, with their little feather pompadours?

Quail

I had better luck with the jackrabbits, especially this one, who sat still for me right next to our cart on our last day. They loooove the grass on the tee boxes.

jack rabbit

Here’s another view of one of the Boulders boulders :-)

Boulders Resort Nature trail

Isn’t that pretty? I took the shot from the resort’s nature trail, which loops around from the lodge to the courses’ club house and tennis courts and back.

Like I said, it was idyllic. As I write this post, we’re getting buried in the season’s first serious snow storm. Hard to believe that a week ago I was snapping a pic of a full moon, dressed in nothing heavier than a fall coat . . .

Full moon in Arizona

Now, give me a day or two, and I’ll post some more pics over at my golf blog. We tried four different area courses and I shot the best round of my life! :-)

cape code vacation :-)

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I fulfilled a promise to my daughter last week with a 5-day trip to Cape Cod.

She’d never been to the ocean before :-)

It was a wonderful trip — very beachy! My daughter learned how to use a boogy board to ride the waves and got to hold a star fish some other kids had caught.

One of the nice things about Cape Cod is how different the beaches are depending on where you go. We sampled three different areas, including the National Seashore on the upper cape — wonderful surf, but cooooold —

Coast Guard Beach, Cape Cod

Leashed dogs allowed outside the lifeguard areas! Hooray! Because every dog needs to learn that if you eat a bunch of beach sand, it’s gonna come back up . . . a little at a time . . . for hours . . . and hours . . . and hours . . .

Sea dog!

We also spent one day on the bay side, where the water was calmer & shallower.

Corporation Beach, Cape Cod

We caught dozens of little hermit crabs :-) All of whom are named “Hermie” btw.

hermit crab

We stayed in South Yarmouth, on a beach that faces the south. The water there was warm enough there for lots of boogey board practice. And our hotel held beach parties at night, with live music . . .

cabana party!

. . . plus kid-friendly activities like night volleyball. Kept my daughter happy while I took pics of this sunset.

Cape Cod sunset

All told, an idyllic summer interlude — and the native Cape Codders, I have to say, are some of the nicest people you’d ever hope to meet. So many little kindnesses they showed us! Thank you guys!

Oh, and thank you Debi for letting us pit stop at your place on our way out — and inviting us to stop back again on our way back, don’t ask me how I managed to miss the exit :-)

I want one of these

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old building

Yeah, I know it makes no sense. But look at it. So big and . . . bricky. Those gorgeous windows, can you imagine how they frame the view when you’re inside looking out?

And right there on main street. Nothing would go down without my knowing about it. Nothing!

A recipe post

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Most nights my culinary audience is limited to a nine-year old girl whose idea of an “awesome, mom!” meal is boxed mac & cheese. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But if I cooked to her taste only, we’d eat mostly chicken, rice, and run of the mill stirfried vegetables. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

But I’m well past the point of boredom with our diet — and a few days ago, I found myself picking up a celery root.

And then, this morning, a package of D’artagnan wild boar sage sausages.

I didn’t even know I was going to pair them until a few minutes after I’d put the sausage into my basket — but that’s exactly what I did, and it turned into an amazing meal.

And simple. I peeled the celery root, diced it pretty small, then sauteed it in butter until it was tender and lightly browned. It couldn’t have taken more than 15 minutes or so. Added a splash of sherry vinegar, salt, pepper, and chopped flat leaf parsley. Meanwhile I’d fried the sausages and fixed a green salad.

The combination was outrageously good — the gamey, spicey sausage with the sweet, buttery celery root. But it got better — I’d also picked up a bottle of Georges Duboeuf Beaujolais Fleurie on my way home from Wegman’s. I was about halfway through my meal when it flashed through my mind that the wine would be the third perfect element.

Now to recruit a dinner guest. Heh.